The Light switch vs. The Iron

During our journey into the lifestyle, we have noticed an increase in our sexual appetite and the amount of sex we have. It started about a year or so after we were done having kids and we were finally catching our breath and our footing on being parents, juggling our careers and connecting as a couple. We knew we were done having sex to have kids and it was time to focus on us.

As we were in the middle of the chaos of parenting life we decided to make it a point that every Friday night we would have a date night. We knew we weren’t really going out that much being new parents. So we made the best of it and realized that Friday nights would be our way to have the kids in bed early, put something sexy and comfortable on and enjoy a bottle of wine together. We knew this was our date night to connect. Let’s be honest, date night is code for having sex.

This led to excitement throughout the week. We had something to look forward to, a goal. Leave work at work, try to have the house clean as possible (a major turn on for both of us), and make every effort to be ready for a fun night of connecting and passionate sex. It was these hot and passionate nights that led to maybe having a little too much wine and us whispering to each other about our fantasies and being honest of what may be on our mind. It took a lot of time to talk through things.

However, even though we had our set date night, it didn’t mean we only had sex one night a week. Sometimes we had spontaneous sex or realized we had 10 minutes and had a quickie. Perhaps it isn’t always sex with fireworks but maintenance sex at times. But one thing has been constant for years for us, and from what we have heard from others is men and women are wired differently when it comes to sex. Now this is our experience so your relationship may differ.

One thing that we talked about for years is the light switch vs. the iron. It’s a metaphor that we heard years ago, very early in our marriage. We heard a saying that men are like light switches, where you just flip the switch and they ‘turn on’ and they are ready to go. Women are more like an iron, where you have to not only plug the iron in, but allow the iron to warm up. Without proper preparation, the iron won’t work if you don’t allow it time to set, warm up and adjust the proper settings. It may sound like a silly analogy but it is something that has stuck with us for well over twenty years at this point. Each person may be different, but for us, the “iron” warms up when the house is clean, the room is set for a nice night, a nice glass of wine is served. Sometimes it’s a slow build throughout the day. In the middle of cleaning the house on a weekend you lean in and kiss your partner on the cheek. You whisper something sweet or naughty in their ear. You do the laundry and fold the laundry as well. We know the iron vs the light switch analogy is not a measure of all men or women by any means. But it really stuck with us in terms of making things work for us.

Traditionally there are two big topics that couples argue over, finances and sex. While we are happy to share that we read up on our mutual fund performances over our coffee. We can fully admit we have had disagreements on how we initiate sex.

We have been married over twenty years and together even longer and there are times we will be having a discussion about sex and Mrs. Swanilla will say “how long have we been together? Did you forget that a clean house or dinner ready for the kids pretty much gets me in the mood?”

We have talked about this over the years and have wondered what works for others? Is analogy true? Do you approach things differently? What does your partner do to help set the mood or what could they do more often to get you in the mood more often?

A New year, New experiences & a cold winter

Hello Lovelies,

We hope everyone is off to a sexy 2019 and having fun staying connected and warm during these winter months. We have been doing everything we can to stay warm in this deep freeze we have had the last several weeks here in the Midwest. With subzero temperatures, we found it very easy to slip into bed naked to use our bodies to stay warm! We spent our holidays with family and catching up. We thought of a lot of our sexy lifestyle friends who were having a naughty new years eve. We would love to have a naughty new years even one year. Perhaps we can figure something out in the next couple years. It’s very difficult to find an overnight sitter for NYE at this point. We did however have a very sexy naughty stocking day. We decided to both take the day off, and order in and made a complete day of our naughty time. Mrs. Swanilla got a great gift that she had always talked about and was very excited that she thanked me in a very sexy and sensual way! It was nice to have such a great day, opening sexy gifts, listening to podcasts, and just talking, and having passionate sex several times.

With the new year comes a lot of exciting things that make getting through the winter just a little easier.

We are excited that we’re headed to Naughty in N’awlins (NIN) for the first time this July. We have talked about going for a few years and have heard many friends in the lifestyle and on podcasts talk about how fun it is. We found out some friends of ours are going and it’s always fun to see them at events and resorts. There is a Podcasters & Bloggers Meet & Greet on the second day that we are happy to be part of. It will be great to meet some podcasters that we have been listening to for years and bloggers that we have been reading for some time now. It looks like there are a lot of podcast groups going this year. Swinging Downunder, Swinger Diaries, Average Swingers, Our Naughty Escapades, Two to Tango, Torrid Souls, Sex Uninterrupted, Casual Swingers, and We Gotta Thing. It will be fun to meet so many great podcasters that have not only given us some great stories and entertainment over the years. But also forced us to hit pause several times and ask each other some deep and meaningful questions. About the lifestyle, about us a couple and some good takeaways on growing and communicating.


This is our first trip to New Orleans so we are excited to see some of the areas and check out some great watering holes and restaurants. From what we have read and listened to, it seems like there is so much to do that it can very overwhelming and a lot to take in. We heard on one podcast that if you go one year just to party, check out fun seminars and sexy parties, and go another year to see the landmarks, architecture, etc. its a great way to balance things out. We will try to do a mixture of both as there are some cool things we would like to see while there. But also know there will be some great seminars and friends we would like to connect with – old & new.

We are very excited with what 2019 has in store for us and looking into new clubs and events that sound really exciting. We are also excited to be posting some great stories and sexy thoughts with all of you.

PS – We wish all of you sexies a very naughty valentine’s day this week!

Hugs & Kisses,

Mr. & Mrs. Swanilla
Beyond Our Bedroom

Welcome to Beyond Our Bedroom – New Website

Hello Lovelies, 

We are excited and happy to announce that we have a new website for our blog now up. We converted our old site over to a new platform and it took us a lot longer than expected. We only had so many hours per week we could set aside to work on it due to life being very busy the last couple of months. We have some great changes up with our layout, design, links of our favorite things, and new content coming on a more regular basis. 

Please feel free to let us know your thoughts. If something seems off or not clear on mobile, vs. tablet or laptop please send us a quick message to let us know. We are still tweaking a few things behind the scenes. 

We also are excited that we have a partner site TooTimid. We have tried out a few products and will have more reviews cumming soon!

Hugs & Kisses,

Mr. & Mrs. Swanilla 

Nominated for the Best Lifestyle Blog 2018 & New Affiliate Program

Hello Lovelies!

We are very excited and honored that we have been nominated for Best Lifestyle Blog at the 2018 Annual Lifestyle Awards. We are humbled that we’ve been nominated yet again, and that many of you are enjoying our sexy stories on our blog. We consider this a fun and creative outlet to share our journey and stories and it’s pretty special to be in the same category with so many other great lifestyle blogs.  If you have a chance to head to the web page linked here and feel we made a positive impact or you enjoy our posts and think we are worthy of your vote please vote for us here: Annual Lifestyle Awards

There are also categories for Best Lifestyle Podcast, Best Lifestyle Resort, Best Lifestyle Clubs, and Best Lifestyle Educators. While we have our favorites, each podcast, blog, educator, resort, club, etc. offers something for just about everyone in the lifestyle or those that are curious to learn more.  Regardless of the outcome we feel we have already won, as we have heard from so many sexy readers here and on twitter that have told us they enjoy our blog and the topics at hand. Thank you!

We are also excited that we also have teamed up with the fine folks at TooTimid They have been very easy to work with and we are happy to work with such a sex positive company that understands the needs couples may desire for sex toys, lingerie, lubes and more. Plus they have been around for almost 20 years and understand the need for discretion.

We will be posting reviews of products and will be offering additional coupon code discounts here and via twitter. We have our first two reviews below. Be sure to check them out through the link on our blog or in this email. In the meantime feel free to use code 121810 for 10% off any order.

TooTimid – The Romance Company, focuses on enhancing the sexual well-being of women and couples. Through education, advice, discussion and various sexual aides, TooTimid makes a positive impact on women and couples around the World.

Founded in 2000, was initially a simple website for people to purchase items they may be too embarrassed to buy in person. Today, with thousands of educational articles, product reviews, product videos and a message board for like-minded people to discuss a variety of topics, TooTimid has evolved into a leading company catering to people who wish to improve their intimate relationships.

Review of the Double Delight Masturbator 

Mrs. Swanilla and I received this toy and we weren’t sure what to expect. We have had a few similar ones over the years. Many were “free” toys that were included in the purchase of other toys for her. Almost as if they were after thoughts to throw a sleeve into the box after ordering a new vibrator for her. After a few uses they started to rip apart and just didn’t hold up. It’s like the product developers leave out the toys for men? However, we both were excited to use this. I was curious how it would feel and she was excited to use it on me and see how fast it would make me cum. She also was intrigued by the teeth in the mouth area. We started to make out and she told me “I want to see you how your new toy feels!” We got it out and she lubed me up. As she was getting me ready she really examined the toy to see how realistic it was. One side has the mouth with teeth and the other side has the pussy look and feel. She rub her fingers on the pussy side and then stuck her in tongue in it and said “wow, pretty realistic”. She proceed to lower it on my cock and asked me how it felt. I was surprised at how great it felt. The pussy side felt very realistic and she could see it in my eyes that it felt very good. She switched sides and had me try the mouth side. This felt great! It wasn’t as tight as the pussy side and felt very realistic. This was such a great sensation that we use it on a regular basis in our play. She enjoys using her magic wand on herself while watching me using this double masturbator up and down on my cock. This toy makes me cum very fast and I fully recommend picking up one for yourself!

We will have an upcoming post featuring a review of a new toy that Mrs. Swanilla tried out and will offer her sexy thoughts.

Hugs & Kisses,

Mr. & Mrs. Swanilla
Beyond Our Bedroom

Desire: Sex On The Beach? Why not!? New Friends & experiences

Hello lovelies,

Sex on the beach? 
While this trip was our second time at Desire it was very familiar, yet a very different experience, in a great way! We talked at length ahead of our trip about how excited we were to returning and we knew that the fear of the unknown was gone. But the excitement of what the week there would bring. We knew we would have a great time between the two of us being together, laying naked by the beach, having intense sex and anything else that may happen would be sexy fun between new friends.

There was a KIK group started by some new friends that was dedicated to the week we would be there. It was a great way to get to know people ahead of time, learn their stories, answer questions for newbies and learn other things from those that had been there several times. Posting sexy fun pictures was always a fun way to build the excitement as well. We came up with an idea closer to our trip as our KIK group grew, to have a KIK Welcome Dinner one night. We found a common night that 99% of the group would be there, which happened to be the first day for most of them. Since we arrived a few days ahead of time we arranged the dinner with the staff and were excited to have some time with everyone we had been chatting with for months. Our dinner consisted of about 12-13 couples. As we sat and enjoyed a nice dinner with new friends we were able to get to know people on a different level than meeting for the first time hours earlier at the pool or hot tub naked.

We took up an entire section in the restaurant and we could tell some newer people had a look on their face of what group is this? as we had so many fun jokes and stories from chatting for months.

In talking with our friends throughout the trip one brought up a great point. They mentioned they had been to Desire several times but this was the first time that they had so many people they knew ahead of time before arriving. This provided a new circle of friends you knew from the chat group, we all had dinner the first day for most and immediately you had 12+ couples you had as a friends in the pool, beach, lunch time or the dance floor in the club that you could always go to if you were somewhat nervous approaching another couple, or ask your friends to introduce you to someone they knew. It may have looked cliquey from the outside but that wasn’t our goal at all. To this day our KIK group has stayed active and many of us stay in touch and we may go several weeks without anything, and we all pick up right where we left off. We even had a KIK/Desire reunion recently at a club. More to follow on that in a later post.

This trip provided a lot of things for us as a couple besides sexy naked fun. It provided clarity, communication, personalities and traits we were able to take back to real life and apply to our daily lives as professionals, and of course as a loving couple that ensures we always put each others needs first.

Last day at Desire
Always fun at the foam party 
Our last full day at Desire was full of a lot of sexy fun and sexy experiences. We knew the foam party was a few hours away and just planned on enjoying our last day as much as possible. As we finished breakfast we ran into two couples we knew from our KIK group that were also finishing breakfast. We decided to join them for a coffee and just chat for a bit. What we thought would be a 10 minute conversation turned into over a hour of chatting and the six of us just having fun conversations. As we all left to go our own ways to have quiet time, take a nap or walk the beach Mrs. Swanilla and I went into the gift shop at Desire. A few minutes later the couples popped their heads in and asked us if we would like to join the four of them for dinner? It sounded fun to us and we happily accepted.

Mrs. Swanilla with a unicorn in our room
Throughout the day we enjoyed time by the pool, saw our core group of friends from our KIK dinner, and all had a great time at the foam party in the pool. There was shift on Friday as some people had left and new couples started to show up, so the energy shifted, in a fun and sexy way. I was chatting with some friends and look over a few minutes later and notice that Mrs. Swanilla is not only doing fine by herself but having a very sexy moment with some new friends. I slowly walked through the crowd to enjoy the show and realize not only was she fine, but the only help they needed from me was to hold up her new friend laying on her back as the ladies and gentlemen took turns getting to know their friend! This time we brought a few fun surprises for the pool and hot tub.We bought a handful of blow up unicorn drink floaties. It was fun seeing them floating on top of the foam and hours later they made their way to the hot tub where a couple of them floated in different areas of the hot tub. What’s funny is several days later we tweeted a pic out of the floaties and a sexy couple from Mexico tweeted back that they were in the hot tub and remember seeing them and that they had fun with the floaties and the ping pong balls! That was another fun game that was played sponsored by our friends from Edmonton, Canada! Miss you guys!
Sex on the beach? Sure, why not?
As the day progressed we went back to our room to get ready for dinner, and were so turned on that we had very passionate sex before meeting our friends for dinner. Dinner was a lot of fun and we got to know everyone more, and talked about life and other experiences. This is one thing that we enjoy about the lifestyle. That it is not 100% sex in your face or 24/7 sex talk. We can talk about things you do with your vanilla friends, but when the conversation shifts to sexy talk or sexual discussions there is no hesitation or weirdness in discussing sexual topics with lifestyle friends.

Dinner with new friends
After dinner we all ended up at the outside bar to watch the band perform and dance to the Latin music they were playing. Mrs. Swanilla and I enjoy dancing, especially to Latin music and had a great time dancing outside on the patio before the club opened upstairs. As we were cooling off from dancing before we headed into the club where there was air conditioning, our friends from dinner (we’ll refer to them as the Utah couple) asked us “would you guys like to join us later on the beach?” We both agreed that it sounded like fun and accepted. We went upstairs to the club, have a drink and dance a few more songs. After a few songs we all decided it would be fun to head to the beach. As we walked to the beach Mrs. Swanilla and I held hands knowing there was fun to be had but went in with zero expectations and didn’t want to overthink anything. Someone suggested we go skinny dipping in the ocean. We all went into the ocean just a few feet out and all chatted for a bit. Our friends said that they had been to the resort several times but this was the most fun they had at this point, and that it had to do with getting to know so many people ahead of time. Mrs. Swanilla usually will share anything on her mind with me privately. Both lifestyle related and other areas of life. As we were all talking she talked about how this has been a life changing trip for her and us as a couple. I said out loud, “wow, guys I am hearing this for the first time with you as well”. But it showed how comfortable we were at this point in our journey into the lifestyle and how comfortable we feel around certain people we meet. As everyone was chatting, and flirting we had a security guard run down to us with a flashlight telling us to leave the water as there were manta rays out at night. We all left the water in a hurry and dried off next to our beach bed. The ladies laid next to each other to dry off and stay warm.

Our friends mentioned their room was the first building and they needed something from their room. I volunteered to go to the room. I quietly asked Mrs. Swanilla if she would be fine without me for a few minutes. She either didn’t hear me or I missed the cue of “I am doing just fine”. As I walked back to our beach bed our new lady friend was truly enjoying Mrs. Swanilla, and being the two gentlemen there, we didn’t want to interrupt, until we were invited to join in. As all got more comfortable we all had a very sexy time and sexy experiences together. Towards the end of our experience we heard other couples having their own fun just down the beach. I could tell Mrs. Swanilla was getting close and whispered to our friends “to listen” and within a few moments Mrs. Swanilla let out such a loud and intense orgasms. Something about the sound of her moans that traveled up and down the Riviera Maya beach into the late night Mexican moonlight that just made a great ending to the night. As we all had sexy fun together, we laid on the beach bed just talking about sexy fun and life in general. We shared life stories and it was a great ending to our last night at Desire. We slowly put our Desire robes and towels on and decided to get a late night snack at the beach bar.

We woke up the next morning and had our reconnection sex and looked at the passion in each others eyes. As we got ready to head back home, we said our goodbyes to many of the friends we met through our KIK group, new friends we met at Desire and exchanged information to stay in touch with new friends. When you leave Desire and are heading back to the airport in the shuttle there really is a sense of sadness that comes over you. You realize that you can’t be naked at the airport or be naked in a pool with friends, unless you are in a private pool with a different set of fun friends.

We collected many moments here!
We arrived at Desire with no expectations except to have fun with each other, celebrate some milestones in life and as a couple and we did that and more. As we arrived home and slowly got back into real life, we made it a point to talk about our trip, discuss our experiences and ensure we both were good. As we both said to each other with a smile, we are in a different place now and we are having a lot of fun!

Hugs & Kisses

Mr. & Mrs. Swanilla
Beyond Our Bedroom

Desire Pearl & a Sexy Catamaran Trip

Hello lovelies,

A few days into our week-long trip we were approached by one of the staff members who recognized us from the year prior when we checked in at the start of our trip. He had asked us if we were interested in a fun catamaran trip the following day leaving out of Desire Pearl? We agreed as it sounded fun. He explained it was an earlier pick up in the morning, and that another two-three couples would be joining us.

The following day we got ready and grabbed our bag, and took the shuttle with another couple. A third couple joined us as well, and we noticed as that got in the shuttle they were at the Rivera Maya the previous day as a couple that were putting on couple massages at Rivera Maya and Pearl the following day. So the plan was for them to go on the catamaran with us and then put on this seminar at Pearl afterwards. We recognized her immediately as she is former adult film star and we had recognized him from the Playboy channel as a licensed sex therapist and from Twitter of all places. We joked around for a few minutes and had to explain that we have enjoyed her films as a couple over the years and it was nice to meet her. We all got on the catamaran and just had a nice relaxing late morning ride about an hour from the resort. We all were a little tired but by the time we got there we each had a cocktail, and the music and sun woke everyone up. Mrs. Swanilla and I decided to go snorkeling for the first time. It was beautiful seeing the coral, and fish but the current was stronger than expected and really took us away from the boat. After about thirty minutes or so, our guide swam back with us to the boat and we felt like we just had an intense workout.

Sexy times at Desire 
Once back on the boat the staff passed out cold beers, and lunch was served. Everyone was a little more relaxed and we all started to chat for a bit and get to know each other. We chatted about a number of things related to sex, the lifestyle, and just spending time as a couple in a sexy environment. We talked about various adult film stars that they knew personally, lifestyle podcasts, and Desire. We disclosed at this point about our blog and that if we decided to write about our experiences we would of course use discretion. We asked for the same in return as sexy pics were happening and we followed each other on Twitter, and had to make sure no faces or names. After lunch and relaxing for a bit the boat took us to another location where the water was just a beautiful blue and we were able to swim and hang out in the water for a bit. Once back on the boat the party went up a notch and anyone who had bikinis or swim trunks on quickly lost them as the music was turned up louder and the drinks and shots really started flowing. Before we knew it, it was ladies time at the front of the boat. Chocolate syrup was flowing, a lot of licking, sucking and eating. The guys had to be complete gentlemen and at least watch to make sure no one fell overboard. And of course participated when needed! After a nice play session on the boat, we were all naked on the front of the boat just standing there and taking in the ocean breeze, the music, and enjoying the last 15-20 minutes of the trip. I remember standing at the front of the boat with Mrs. Swanilla and just thinking, here we are at Desire on vacation, celebrating life together. Having the time of our lives and just taking it all in and enjoying each moment. From little moments to large parties. I remember standing there naked with her and having our “I am the king of the world” moment. Little did we realize the sunscreen we had on came off and we would be burned the following day.

Mrs. Swanilla enjoying a dip in the ocean

As we made our way back to Desire Pearl, our friend on the boat dropped her phone into the ocean and Mrs. Swanilla went right in after it. She really is a caring person. We were able to spend the afternoon at Pearl and enjoy the pool, and take in the other resort. The seminar was going to start in late afternoon with the couple on the catamaran hosting the couples massage session. We walked into Pearl just as sexy games were underway. It felt nice seeing a different resort and being able to check it out for the afternoon to see if we would like to book a stay there someday. As we were walking in and the sexy games were getting started, Mrs. Swanilla dove head first into the action and before I realized what happened she was at the human sundae table making new friends! Many were happy to become new friends! We finally grabbed a spot in the shade and just chilled for a bit before the seminar started.

We made our way to the nightclub at Pearl as that’s where the seminar was being held. We entered the room, we saw small beds laid out around the area, with low lighting, soft music and a very sensual atmosphere. As Mrs. Swanilla laid on the bed, there were toys, lubes, and more. We had several new friends lay by us  and one lady said “you guys are fun, we want to lay by you for this!” As the host couple from the catamaran started the seminar they explained the art of the massage, pleasure points on the body and how to connect. The mood and the environment were perfect and everything was done in a very classy and sensual way. As the seminar begin the coach instructed us how to slowly massage our ladies in certain areas. Mrs. Swanilla was very relaxed from the sexy atmosphere, long day in the sun and a needed to decompress. I could tell that many of the ladies were enjoying their partners focusing on them. Being in such a sensual atmosphere with quiet discussions from the host couple, you could hear soft moans from the ladies. After spending time on the ladies, it was time for the guys to be massaged. The coaches were great in saying certain words or phrases that made everyone feel comfortable. They said quietly if the mood strikes do what you want.

The disco at Pearl turned massage play area

Slowly you would start hearing couples nearby going at it, watching them and then we found ourselves getting really into it. The coaches said as couples were fucking all around the room “we have both been on porn sets hundreds of times, and there is nothing hotter than watching a couple have sex who are in love, as they want to be there and aren’t being paid to be there.” Before I knew it we were going at it and Mrs. Swanilla was very into it. She was very loud and orgasmic. Everyone in the room knew she was having a great time! We noticed several couples looking up and those watching seemed to enjoy the show we were putting on. But in reality it wasn’t a show. It was just us having fun and we started getting off knowing sexy couples were watching us. Which just feed the energy. As we were going at it for awhile and then as she was cumming she grabbed me and said out loud “I am squirting, I am squirting and I can’t stop”! I whispered back to her “I know! It feels great!” After finishing we both were ready to take a nap. We laid in the room for a bit as couples slowly started to clear out. About twenty minutes later we found our friends from Chile who were in a bed nearby and were on the catamaran with us. As we walked through the courtyard of Pearl we had two couples stop us and say “thank you for such a great show, you guys were hot to watch!” We thanked them for the compliment and honestly couldn’t quite place them as they had clothes on at this point.
As we grow in the lifestyle and have sexy and sensual moments, both as a couple and with new friends, there is one thing we have both noticed. Mrs. Swanilla really is a screamer and is not afraid to let everyone know she is having a great time!

The four of us shared a shuttle back to Riviera Maya where we all were ready for a nap and to freshen up for dinner in a couple hours. This night was going to be a fun night as we had a total of 14 couples from our KIK group all arriving this day and we had a Desire KIK dinner set up for all of us.

As always you can reach out to us via the comment section, through our webpage or twitter.

Hugs & Kisses

Mr. & Mrs. Swanilla
Beyond Our Bedroom