One couple's adventure through the swinging lifestyle
Author: Beyond Our Bedroom
Mr. & Mrs. Swanilla are a fun-loving, sexually adventurous couple that are enjoying a sexy secret, Living in the Lifestyle. We are part of the daily grind of kids, careers, coffee, dishes, wine, soccer games, & parent/teacher conferences. So come the weekend, we love to get our kids into bed early, and then run to our bedroom, drink wine and connect on every level. We have been married for over 20 years, and we are incredibly happy, deeply in love and still very hot for each other! We have never considered ourselves vanilla by the traditional meaning, but more like Dirty Vanilla or Sensual Swingers + Dirty Vanilla = 'Swanilla’! We both appreciate how sexy women can be, making sexy connections with couples and that the lifestyle allows us to explore fantasies, create new ones and make sexy friendships along the way. We have always been very erotic and wild and enjoy many things the lifestyle has to offer as it enhances an already great sex life! Be sure to follow our blog to see where our journey takes us! Look for #SexySwanilla for fun & sexy Tweets
Our friends from New York have once again done a guest blog post. They touch on a topic that many in the lifestyle can probably relate to, The Friendzone! They have some good points in their stories below. We too can relate to the Friendzone. Where we have been interested but assumed there wasn’t mutual feelings and we never took a step further fearing ‘would we ruin a friendship?’
“You are traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land of imagination. Next stop, the “Friend” Zone!
You’d think after nearly five years in the Lifestyle, we would be pros at closing the deal. Nope, not us; we all too often live in the friend zone (FZ). I’m guessing if you’re reading this, you know what that means. You meet someone, you really seem to click, you think there’s mutual attraction, but that’s where all progress stops. You love spending time together but it never moves past friends. Don’t get us wrong, LS friends are AMAZING and we’d rather get FZ’d than never meet these people at all. Let us give you some examples.
Our very first hotel take-over was New Year’s Eve of our first year in the LS. Our only other experience was a couple of visits to a club and chatting with a few people we found on a LS website. We were newbies and showed it. The first night of the event was the inevitable meet-and-greet at the hotel bar. We really seemed to hit it off with one couple in particular and J was really into the lady. When B says “you look at her like you do a bowl of ice cream” you can’t get more attracted. J was ready to just gobble her up. There was a lot of alcohol consumed and we had traveled with another couple, so talk was all for that night.
Next evening was the actual event. We ran into this couple a few times. Flirty talk, took pictures together, things were looking good. We lost track of this couple at midnight but got plenty of kisses in from other new friends we had made. We eventually got to the after party playrooms, the couple was still nowhere in sight, but the ice breaker room was calling us so we helped a friend get the action going by playing the dirty dice with others. Once the dice were no longer needed, we headed out to look for this couple. We finally ran into them at the BDSM room and we chatted about our outfits (or lack thereof) and how we didn’t get NYE kisses with them. “Chemistry check” the lady announced and J got her hug and kiss. They said they were going to check out the rooms. We were waiting to see what our travel companions were up to, then looked at each other and said “they’re fine on their own, let’s find that couple”. We checked all the rooms and never found them and for four years have kicked ourselves for not immediately saying “we’ll go, too”. Rookie mistake, we thought. Won’t happen again we said. We’re rusty at the flirty thing.
Fast forward a couple years to our first Desire trip. J meet a guy on the beach our first day while B was napping. That evening B&J spent the after club time chatting with the couple and really seemed to hit it off, but the lady was still not feeling well from the day before so all we did was talk. Next day. we went to dinner with them and another couple, drinks at the bar, dancing in the club. And that was it. The other couple we had dinner with insists that this couple was into us and assumed we had drifted back to their room or ours, but nope. FZ’d.
We can give other examples over the past four years but we think you get the point and it’s kind of sad to review the “would have, could have, should have” of the past four years. Instead, it’s time for a success story. We were once again at a hotel event and B saw a hot couple talking to one of our friends, so he asked them to jump into a group photo we were taking. B&J both thought that this couple knew our friends, turned out they didn’t but stuck around to chat with us after the picture. We seemed to be getting along and the four of us went for a walk and we kind of split into male and female. It gave J a chance to talk to the lady by herself and ask about their play style and B did the same. By the time we got back together, they knew we were definitely interested and we knew they were as well. A little more time dancing and talking at the after party, then we came back to our room. The sex was so hot and deserves its own post. Let’s just say listening to someone yell out in Spanish during sex is super sexy and having someone stare your husband in the eye and order him to “Fuck her. Hard” Wow. So Hooray! Finally got past that friend zone!
So J has wondered what was so different about that night compared to either NYE or Desire but hasn’t been able to pinpoint it. We had asked other couples about their LS experience, their play styles, etc. Was there something that was key that we can make sure we do again? J has recently started listening to more podcasts about the LS and she thinks she might know what it is now. One of the podcasts was talking about how women run the Lifestyle and it’s pretty much up to the women to make the first move, even if it’s subtle. Ding, ding, ding. (J wants to credit the podcast but J can’t remember if it was Mr. and Mrs. Jones at We Gotta Thing or Penn and Paige at Swinger Diaries, but either way, check them both out).
J has a strong vanilla personality, needs to be in control for her work but is very submissive when it comes to sex and the LS. J loves to just get lost in the moment and has a very hard time being the aggressor. B usually approaches couples or unicorns and is very good at turning on the charm and getting them talking, but because she’s submissive, J has a hard time making that first move. Our super hot encounter happened because J was in the zone, feeling sexy and flirty and she brought up play with the lady when she was on her own. Looking back at the time, that didn’t seem like much but after the podcast, which suggested even holding hands or touching one of the members of the other couple’s arm, it probably was enough.
Armed with this new found insight, B&J are venturing off into the LS landscape, planning to test out the theory. It will push J out of her comfort zone but this LS is a journey and it’s just one more baby step. And if it doesn’t work, it’ll sure be fun trying.
May 1 marks the first day of Nation Masturbation Month.
*Repost of article not our content
If you didn’t know this, you’re not alone. The annual observance is not high profile. In fact, the most coverage masturbation has received may have been back in 1992 when Jerry Seinfeld and his cast mates brought up the taboo topic during a Seinfeld episode. In one of the first scenes, character George Costanza’s mother catches him masturbating. The four New Yorkers then entered into a contest to determine who could go for the longest period of time without masturbating. However they couldn’t say the actual word on primetime television, so the euphemism, “master of my domain,” was born. No one won.
So how does a hush-hush subject like masturbation get a month of its own? It started in 1995 in San Francisco as a response to the forced resignation of U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders. After a speech at the United Nations World AIDS Day in 1994, an audience member asked Elders about masturbation’s potential for discouraging early sexual activity. She answered,“I think it is something that is part of human sexuality and a part of something that perhaps should be taught.”
That was the end of the first black Surgeon General’s Washington career, but the beginning of National Masturbation Month. The founders of San Francisco based sex toy and education shop Good Vibrations said, “Enough is enough!” They wanted to do two things: keep up the conversation about Elders unjust firing and make people talk about masturbation.
Good Vibrations recognized many people needed support and advice about the very act of masturbating. One of the first things they had to do is provide reassurance. They made sure people knew it was okay to masturbate in the first place. For so long, shame and stigma have been attached to masturbating. Yet the truth is it is an activity so commonplace, natural, pleasurable and healthy it is said “ninety-eight percent of us masturbate, and the other two percent are liars.”
Since then, Good Vibrations has held annual events used as public health education programs to increase awareness of self-pleasure as a strategy for safer and healthier sex and to de-stigmatize masturbation. Their events have also worked to get people to talk about the act, instead of giggling or remaining silent. After all it is the ultimate in safe sex.
So go ahead, celebrate National Masturbation Month!
We are excited to let you know that we have teamed up with the creators of the sexy card game The Game of Lifestyle to bring you a sexy game to use for your sexy encounters. We are hoping to try out our new set this summer at some sexy events with friends old and new. We will be happy to post a review of this sexy and fun game!
The Game of Lifestyle The Swinger card games designed specifically for couples in or exploring the swinger lifestyle. This is the game that has been known to lead to sexy playtime! Click the banner and use promo code BOB10 to receive a 10% discount
Hope everyone is staying warm now that winter is officially behind us and spring is here. As the summer months approach, we are very excited to be going to Naughty In Nawlins and possibly some other events to see friends old and new. Speaking of friends old and new, one of the things that attract us to the lifestyle is not just the sexy and playful times with like minded people, but the friendships that naturally develop over time. When you are able to spend quality time with like minded people especially in a setting like Desire where you have a few days together with very hot, incredible, and sexy experiences that took us to a different level in our journey into the lifestyle, we knew something “clicked” on this trip.
As we have written about in past blog posts, during our last trip to Desire we met some wonderful people that have become friends and some friends with benefits. We stay in touch with most of them as well through certain social media platforms and although most are several States away, we sometimes laugh at things together and know we all have a shared sexy secret. It makes it difficult at times when you hang with your vanilla friends who we love dearly, but when they call it a night at 10pm on a weekend night during a 40th birthday party, you realize some of your vanilla friends can’t keep up in just a fun night out atmosphere.
As we said our goodbyes to our new friends in Desire we knew we would see them again, and it was just a matter of when and where. After a few months of chatting online sharing some laughs and missing each other, a good friend of ours from New York mentioned it was her birthday in a few months and we should celebrate. We all looked at our calendars and figured out logistics of when and where. We would meet in Toronto to spend a wonderful night together with each other. We had friends driving in from New York, New Jersey, and our Canadian friends flew in from Edmonton to Toronto the day before. They just happen to bring their sybian machine with them. And we drove in from Detroit. As we made it to the hotel, we were checking in and got settled. As we walked to our car to grab a few things, we bump into our Canadian friends who had flown in the day before. Turns out they were coming back the liquor store with drinks, snacks and their suite was right next to ours. This would be very convenient later that night!
The plan was a fun afternoon to see everyone, hang out for a bit, and get all cleaned up and head out for a birthday dinner nearby, then to a sexy lifestyle club to celebrate our friends birthday. As everyone made their way in, we all hung out in the suite and just caught up with everyone. We shared pictures and news of our families, life, and more. As we had group conversations and smaller conversations between everyone it hit us that while we may be States/Countries away these are people we would hang with in our normal day to day life. If any of them found themselves in our city, and wanted to hang we would do our best to be available. All of them would also know to push pause on the lifestyle if vanilla friends were with us as well.
What’s funny, is Mrs. Swanilla and I were talking about how friendships can blossom in life and of course the lifestyle. We joked and said isn’t it funny we have friends that we share such naughty, sexy secrets with? Sometimes shared experiences, sometimes not. But that you have a bond and mutual understanding about the rules of lifestyle. We laughed as we said “we don’t even know any of their last names” but feel closer to many of them than other friends in real life.
We had such a fun time in the afternoon, but there was no sexual play, but a lot of open discussions about sexual things. Just fun to catch up, have a couple drinks, some snacks and just to see everyone. We did inspect our friends sybian machine. Their suite had two rooms, the sybian room and their private room. As we all had laughs and some of us got a little tipsy we realized our window for a fun dinner out was slowly closing, as everyone needed to start getting ready. Someone suggested, why not order take out and have it delivered so we didn’t have to be rushed. We checked with the birthday girl and all decided to stay in so we could have dinner, catch up and still get ready for the club.
After we all got ready we meet in our friends suite before heading out to the club. As we enter we see a couple we didn’t recognize and had to do a double take that we were in the right room. But they had the look and vibe that they were headed to the club. We introduced ourselves and realized there too were from a nearby town in Canada and had met our friends from Edmonton about a year earlier in Desire as well. Turns out we know and have mutual friends in the lifestyle. As many have said, the lifestyle is a sexy but also small community.
We all ended up at the club and had a great time dancing, and having fun in our area that we all hung out in. It was the first time to this club for two of the couples, and they were impressed. They had many stories and mentions of the club from friends, podcasts and our own blog. As we danced and celebrated our friends birthday throughout the night, we asked the birthday girl if she was interested in going to the back room to celebrate. We all undressed and headed to the back playroom. For the newer couple who had never been to a club like this, they were very impressed and had to jump right in. We realized we may have waited just a little too long to head to the back room. It was difficult to find a spot on the massive bed, let alone get comfortable. As we all were standing there naked, some of us kissing, some doing more, someone asked the group if we would like to go back to the hotel and try out the sybian machine? We all got dressed and headed back to the hotel.
Once we got to the hotel, we had sexy music on, some grabbed a drink and others freshened up. As everyone was getting comfortable, I realized I had to grab something from our room next door. I mentioned to Mrs. Swanilla that I would be back but she was in her element and comfortable with friends. I came back about 5 minutes later and Mrs. Swanilla was sitting naked on the couch along with a couple friends. I walked into the room and noticed comfortable she was. In a weird way, it reminded me of Desire, being naked with friends, comfortable and just a lot of smiles on peoples faces.
After a few minutes we all headed to the sybian playroom, and our friends showed us how it worked, the various attachments and how it can sound like a jet taking off. We also had brought several of our toys and had them with the sybian. The ladies were excited and maybe a little nervous as it was most of the ladies first time on a sybian. The ladies slowly got on the sybian and took turns enjoying it. Slow to medium, to slow, to faster, to a friend sitting in front of them while they were on the machine having fun. After each lovely lady had a turn, and usually several orgasms, Mrs. Swanilla jumped on again for round two. As we all enjoyed the show, a friend jumped up with her and the two of them had fun. Before we realized it many of us were naked in bed with lots of yummy things happening. Mrs. Swanilla became “the birthday cake” for our friend the birthday girl. As everyone was enjoying themselves, the night was slowly winding down as we approached 5:00am. Many hugs while naked, high-fives and many late night snacks. As we left our friends room, I noticed Mrs. Swanilla walking back to our room holding a couple of her clothes, as she slowly walked naked to our room. We were really close in the hall, but I mentioned to her the next day, “seems like we are ready for our first hotel takeover?”
The next morning was pretty rough with everyone, and the majority of everyone had 4-8 hour drives home. Our friends had a 3.5 hour flight home later that afternoon. We decided to all go out to brunch and just catch up a little more. As we enjoyed our brunch and said our goodbyes, we all had kisses, longer kisses and hugs and fun whispers of what do the people sitting around us think as we all our kissing everyone goodbye. It was a long drive home but a wonderful trip to see everyone and celebrate our friends birthday with her.
This was a really fun trip to see good people and it truly was a Desire reunion. We were bummed a few other friends weren’t able to make it. But when people are spread out all over the country or other countries, it does make it challenging at times. There is a talk of another Desire reunion this fall, with a few friends looking into flights already. It would be great to see everyone again.
During our journey into the lifestyle, we have noticed an increase in our sexual appetite and the amount of sex we have. It started about a year or so after we were done having kids and we were finally catching our breath and our footing on being parents, juggling our careers and connecting as a couple. We knew we were done having sex to have kids and it was time to focus on us.
As we were in the middle of the chaos of parenting life we decided to make it a point that every Friday night we would have a date night. We knew we weren’t really going out that much being new parents. So we made the best of it and realized that Friday nights would be our way to have the kids in bed early, put something sexy and comfortable on and enjoy a bottle of wine together. We knew this was our date night to connect. Let’s be honest, date night is code for having sex.
This led to excitement throughout the week. We had something to look forward to, a goal. Leave work at work, try to have the house clean as possible (a major turn on for both of us), and make every effort to be ready for a fun night of connecting and passionate sex. It was these hot and passionate nights that led to maybe having a little too much wine and us whispering to each other about our fantasies and being honest of what may be on our mind. It took a lot of time to talk through things.
However, even though we had our set date night, it didn’t mean we only had sex one night a week. Sometimes we had spontaneous sex or realized we had 10 minutes and had a quickie. Perhaps it isn’t always sex with fireworks but maintenance sex at times. But one thing has been constant for years for us, and from what we have heard from others is men and women are wired differently when it comes to sex. Now this is our experience so your relationship may differ.
One thing that we talked about for years is the light switch vs. the iron. It’s a metaphor that we heard years ago, very early in our marriage. We heard a saying that men are like light switches, where you just flip the switch and they ‘turn on’ and they are ready to go. Women are more like an iron, where you have to not only plug the iron in, but allow the iron to warm up. Without proper preparation, the iron won’t work if you don’t allow it time to set, warm up and adjust the proper settings. It may sound like a silly analogy but it is something that has stuck with us for well over twenty years at this point. Each person may be different, but for us, the “iron” warms up when the house is clean, the room is set for a nice night, a nice glass of wine is served. Sometimes it’s a slow build throughout the day. In the middle of cleaning the house on a weekend you lean in and kiss your partner on the cheek. You whisper something sweet or naughty in their ear. You do the laundry and fold the laundry as well. We know the iron vs the light switch analogy is not a measure of all men or women by any means. But it really stuck with us in terms of making things work for us.
Traditionally there are two big topics that couples argue over, finances and sex. While we are happy to share that we read up on our mutual fund performances over our coffee. We can fully admit we have had disagreements on how we initiate sex.
We have been married over twenty years and together even longer and there are times we will be having a discussion about sex and Mrs. Swanilla will say “how long have we been together? Did you forget that a clean house or dinner ready for the kids pretty much gets me in the mood?”
We have talked about this over the years and have wondered what works for others? Is analogy true? Do you approach things differently? What does your partner do to help set the mood or what could they do more often to get you in the mood more often?
We hope everyone is off to a sexy 2019 and having fun staying connected and warm during these winter months. We have been doing everything we can to stay warm in this deep freeze we have had the last several weeks here in the Midwest. With subzero temperatures, we found it very easy to slip into bed naked to use our bodies to stay warm! We spent our holidays with family and catching up. We thought of a lot of our sexy lifestyle friends who were having a naughty new years eve. We would love to have a naughty new years even one year. Perhaps we can figure something out in the next couple years. It’s very difficult to find an overnight sitter for NYE at this point. We did however have a very sexy naughty stocking day. We decided to both take the day off, and order in and made a complete day of our naughty time. Mrs. Swanilla got a great gift that she had always talked about and was very excited that she thanked me in a very sexy and sensual way! It was nice to have such a great day, opening sexy gifts, listening to podcasts, and just talking, and having passionate sex several times.
With the new year comes a lot of exciting things that make getting through the winter just a little easier.
We are excited that we’re headed to Naughty in N’awlins (NIN) for the first time this July. We have talked about going for a few years and have heard many friends in the lifestyle and on podcasts talk about how fun it is. We found out some friends of ours are going and it’s always fun to see them at events and resorts. There is a Podcasters & Bloggers Meet & Greet on the second day that we are happy to be part of. It will be great to meet some podcasters that we have been listening to for years and bloggers that we have been reading for some time now. It looks like there are a lot of podcast groups going this year. Swinging Downunder, Swinger Diaries, Average Swingers, Our Naughty Escapades, Two to Tango, Torrid Souls, Sex Uninterrupted, Casual Swingers, and We Gotta Thing. It will be fun to meet so many great podcasters that have not only given us some great stories and entertainment over the years. But also forced us to hit pause several times and ask each other some deep and meaningful questions. About the lifestyle, about us a couple and some good takeaways on growing and communicating.
This is our first trip to New Orleans so we are excited to see some of the areas and check out some great watering holes and restaurants. From what we have read and listened to, it seems like there is so much to do that it can very overwhelming and a lot to take in. We heard on one podcast that if you go one year just to party, check out fun seminars and sexy parties, and go another year to see the landmarks, architecture, etc. its a great way to balance things out. We will try to do a mixture of both as there are some cool things we would like to see while there. But also know there will be some great seminars and friends we would like to connect with – old & new.
We are very excited with what 2019 has in store for us and looking into new clubs and events that sound really exciting. We are also excited to be posting some great stories and sexy thoughts with all of you.
Hugs & Kisses,
Mr. & Mrs. Swanilla Beyond Our Bedroom #SexySwanilla