Our friends from New York have once again done a guest blog post. They touch on a topic that many in the lifestyle can probably relate to, The Friendzone! They have some good points in their stories below. We too can relate to the Friendzone. Where we have been interested but assumed there wasn’t mutual feelings and we never took a step further fearing ‘would we ruin a friendship?’
“You are traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land of imagination. Next stop, the “Friend” Zone!
You’d think after nearly five years in the Lifestyle, we would be pros at closing the deal. Nope, not us; we all too often live in the friend zone (FZ). I’m guessing if you’re reading this, you know what that means. You meet someone, you really seem to click, you think there’s mutual attraction, but that’s where all progress stops. You love spending time together but it never moves past friends. Don’t get us wrong, LS friends are AMAZING and we’d rather get FZ’d than never meet these people at all. Let us give you some examples.
Our very first hotel take-over was New Year’s Eve of our first year in the LS. Our only other experience was a couple of visits to a club and chatting with a few people we found on a LS website. We were newbies and showed it. The first night of the event was the inevitable meet-and-greet at the hotel bar. We really seemed to hit it off with one couple in particular and J was really into the lady. When B says “you look at her like you do a bowl of ice cream” you can’t get more attracted. J was ready to just gobble her up. There was a lot of alcohol consumed and we had traveled with another couple, so talk was all for that night.
Next evening was the actual event. We ran into this couple a few times. Flirty talk, took pictures together, things were looking good. We lost track of this couple at midnight but got plenty of kisses in from other new friends we had made. We eventually got to the after party playrooms, the couple was still nowhere in sight, but the ice breaker room was calling us so we helped a friend get the action going by playing the dirty dice with others. Once the dice were no longer needed, we headed out to look for this couple. We finally ran into them at the BDSM room and we chatted about our outfits (or lack thereof) and how we didn’t get NYE kisses with them. “Chemistry check” the lady announced and J got her hug and kiss. They said they were going to check out the rooms. We were waiting to see what our travel companions were up to, then looked at each other and said “they’re fine on their own, let’s find that couple”. We checked all the rooms and never found them and for four years have kicked ourselves for not immediately saying “we’ll go, too”. Rookie mistake, we thought. Won’t happen again we said. We’re rusty at the flirty thing.
Fast forward a couple years to our first Desire trip. J meet a guy on the beach our first day while B was napping. That evening B&J spent the after club time chatting with the couple and really seemed to hit it off, but the lady was still not feeling well from the day before so all we did was talk. Next day. we went to dinner with them and another couple, drinks at the bar, dancing in the club. And that was it. The other couple we had dinner with insists that this couple was into us and assumed we had drifted back to their room or ours, but nope. FZ’d.
We can give other examples over the past four years but we think you get the point and it’s kind of sad to review the “would have, could have, should have” of the past four years. Instead, it’s time for a success story. We were once again at a hotel event and B saw a hot couple talking to one of our friends, so he asked them to jump into a group photo we were taking. B&J both thought that this couple knew our friends, turned out they didn’t but stuck around to chat with us after the picture. We seemed to be getting along and the four of us went for a walk and we kind of split into male and female. It gave J a chance to talk to the lady by herself and ask about their play style and B did the same. By the time we got back together, they knew we were definitely interested and we knew they were as well. A little more time dancing and talking at the after party, then we came back to our room. The sex was so hot and deserves its own post. Let’s just say listening to someone yell out in Spanish during sex is super sexy and having someone stare your husband in the eye and order him to “Fuck her. Hard” Wow. So Hooray! Finally got past that friend zone!
So J has wondered what was so different about that night compared to either NYE or Desire but hasn’t been able to pinpoint it. We had asked other couples about their LS experience, their play styles, etc. Was there something that was key that we can make sure we do again? J has recently started listening to more podcasts about the LS and she thinks she might know what it is now. One of the podcasts was talking about how women run the Lifestyle and it’s pretty much up to the women to make the first move, even if it’s subtle. Ding, ding, ding. (J wants to credit the podcast but J can’t remember if it was Mr. and Mrs. Jones at We Gotta Thing or Penn and Paige at Swinger Diaries, but either way, check them both out).
J has a strong vanilla personality, needs to be in control for her work but is very submissive when it comes to sex and the LS. J loves to just get lost in the moment and has a very hard time being the aggressor. B usually approaches couples or unicorns and is very good at turning on the charm and getting them talking, but because she’s submissive, J has a hard time making that first move. Our super hot encounter happened because J was in the zone, feeling sexy and flirty and she brought up play with the lady when she was on her own. Looking back at the time, that didn’t seem like much but after the podcast, which suggested even holding hands or touching one of the members of the other couple’s arm, it probably was enough.
Armed with this new found insight, B&J are venturing off into the LS landscape, planning to test out the theory. It will push J out of her comfort zone but this LS is a journey and it’s just one more baby step. And if it doesn’t work, it’ll sure be fun trying.
Stay sexy my friends,