Happy New Year! Hopefully you had a great holiday season and fun new years!
We wanted to post a quick question/topic for everyone and throw it out there to perhaps get some feedback or a discussion going. This will be part of another topic that we will touch on soon and did post a link related to an article on sexual fantasies.Would love to hear back from you guys!
Do fantasies have to come true? If not all of them how do you decide which ones are okay to bring to life & which ones are better left in your mind (both as a couple or individual)? How do you decide which ones are okay to bring up to your partner? Are there any fantasies that took longer to bring up to your partner than others? Have any fantasies back-fired while bringing them up or while acting them out? How many of your fantasies have come true vs. not?
Drop us a line via email or on twitter and let us know your thoughts.
“Studies show couples who regularly indulge [in sexual fantasy] tend to have a solid, happy and pleasurable relationship.”
Getting Your Fantasy Started
The next hurdle would be to tell your spouse that you want to share fantasies during sex. Here are 10 simple steps to get you started:
1. Start small, go slow. Successfully integrating new ideas into your regular love making routine need to be brought in gently.
2.Think of a simple, neutral (i.e. not too exotic) fantasy. Like the FedEx guy delivering a “package” or you meet a stranger in a bar.
3. Practice saying the fantasy out loud. Yes, this may seem tedious yet if you’re not used to talking dirty or sharing your fantasies, it’s best to have a few practice runs; that way you don’t feel tongue tied when it comes time to share.
4. Test the waters. During your next sexual encounter, say to your spouse, “Want to hear my naughty fantasy?”
5. Wait to get their permission. If they seize up and get upset, don’t take it personally. Often introducing something new makes people feel they are sexually inadequate and will put them on the defensive.
6. Respect their reaction. If they don’t want to hear then you need to pull back and move on.
7. Share your fantasy. If you get their permission, tell them your fantasy.
8. Roll with the fantasy. Expect your sex to become incredibly hot.
9. When the endorphins have settled, do a follow-up. After the sex, ask how they liked it and would like to do it again.
10. Don’t pressure them. If your spouse isn’t comfortable sharing their fantasy, don’t pressure them. Think of this as your sex specialty; what you give to the sexual experience.
Remember, the first few times you try adding fantasy to your lovemaking, there’s bound to be flub ups. Give it some time before it feels comfortable. After a while expect fantasy-inspired sex to be times to look forward to.
If you are among the very brave, take the fantasy from between the sheets and act it out. I find Halloween is the perfect time to “go public” with a fantasy—as everyone is expecting you to dress up and act differently anyway.
Couples report that Halloween has turned into their favorite holiday because they can completely let loose; that the build-up of adventurous energy leads to amazing sex.
So is it realistic to bring fantasy into your bedroom? There’s only one way for you to find out.
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I don't think all your fantasies have to come true. Some of my fantasies I keep as great masterbation material. But I do think its good to grow your relationship to a place where you can bring it to your partner.
One fantasy gone, sort of, wrong was when I invited a single guy over for a threesome with Jen. She'd seen pics and was interested but didnt know he was coming over. When he arrived, he looked nothing like his pics. We all had a decent time but it wasnt quite what the fantasy was in her mind.